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Relationships

Ex Updates: Ace a messy breakup

Audrey Noble reached out for advice on what to do when you're concerned about a friend's ex following a breakup. This article was posted on Tinder Swipe Life. 5 Ex Updates You Shouldn’t Tell Your Friend About — And The Only One You Absolutely Should “[A lot of] it has to do with the nature of the breakup,” says online dating expert and celebrity matchmaker Carmelia Ray. Breaking up is hard to do — and we’re not just talking about for the two people involved. What are friends on both sides supposed to do? Unless your pal’s ex was a trash human being, chances are high that you formed at least somewhat of a friendship with them. This leaves you to determine how many and what updates to share with...

valentine

Valentine My Love: Let’s start over

Oh Valentine, imagine a “diamond in the rough” - maybe as a rundown house, a rusty sports car, or your relationship. It’s dusty, decrepit, & deteriorating. Yet, you know that if you gave it a little TLC it could shine again. Houses and cars can be restored. And so can your relationship. All you and your valentine need is a little hope to get the ball rolling. See the potential. Use a little elbow grease. Take a chance. Do something different. Restoring a house or car requires plans, resources, and often a team. The same applies your relationship. First, get clear on what you want to change. Second - and this is the hard part, consider your role in the problem. And lastly, develop a strategy. If communication...

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cosmopolitan flirting

Flirting Moves – Cosmopolitan Style

Flirting is one of those things that's always easier in theory. Sure, you understand intellectually that you are a charming person and that people want to talk to you, get to know you, and date you, but when you're swimming in your own thoughts on a first date, all that goes out the window. Not to worry — we've compiled a list of the best flirting tactics ever, so you'll never have to stress about what to say ever again.  CARINA HSIEH featured a couple of my ideas in Cosmopolitan for connecting with a crush. 1. Fake it till you make it. No set of flirting moves will work unless you also genuinely believe that you're the most magnetic person in the room. As Laurel House, dating and flirting...

HGTV Marriage Therapy

Watching HGTV is the New Marriage Therapy, Just Ask a Therapist

A psychotherapist explains why 'House Hunters' and 'Property Brothers' can help adults build better relationships. Marriage Therapy HGTV. In this Fatherly article by Ryan Britt we get creative about using popular tv to bond. Ryan Britt from Fatherly.com interviewed me about my Psychology Today article on HGTV. Scripps Networks There’s a corny line at the end of the classic 1986 comedy The Money Pit that might just sum up why watching HGTV shows together is therapeutic for 21st-century couples. After nearly having their relationship torn apart by a crumbling, slapstick inducing fixer-upper house, Tom Hanks and Shelley Long look to an experienced foreman for wisdom. He provides it. “The foundation was good,” he says. “And if that’s okay, everything else can be fixed!” It’s a heavy metaphor and it lands with a wooden thud....

valentine

7 Major Topics To Avoid Early On In Relationships

Relationships can be tricky. In this Bustle Magazine article by CARINA WOLFF  we get real about hot topics that can be difficult to navigate. Andrew Zaeh for Bustle When you first start dating someone, it's tempting to want to get into the nitty gritty right away. After all, if you see a future, putting restrictions on what you talk about can feel wrong. However, if you are wondering what not to talk about in a new relationship, there are a number of topics that are better suited for later on, when your connection is more established, experts say. These conversations should be had, but just at a more appropriate time when you have a more nuanced understanding of the person you are dating and the relationship. "I believe in being open and transparent, but I...

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Psychology Today – Regret: 8 Ways to Move On

Regret, Feeling Stuck and Breaking Free Post published by Mark Banschick M.D. on May 01, 2015 in Psychology Today. Whoopsie!  You screwed up royally. You behaved in a way that negatively impacted you, a situation, or the people you love. You can’t let go of the guilt and self loathing for what you did. You believe you must be a bad person. You’re feeling stuck, undeserving of love and happiness, and downright fraudulent. You’ve convinced yourself you’re a monster. The negative thoughts and feelings that accompany the memories of that-thing-that-you-did are creating more problems. You’re damaging yourself – your low self worth causes increased stress and depression. You’re damaging your relationships – believing you don’t deserve to be loved actually builds walls between you and the people most important in your...

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Thanksgiving: A Grateful Heart

Thanksgiving is a time of family, tradition, love, abundance, and appreciation. It’s celebrated nationwide annually by all cultures and religions, and in other countries on different days in different ways.  Here in the USA, it’s the most heavily travelled day of the year marking it as one of the most popular national celebrations.  For many, it kicks off the holiday season beginning an exciting time of gathering, feasting, and memory making. Our celebration of Thanksgiving began in 1621 at a Plymouth feast prompted by a good harvest.  President George Washington proclaimed the first nationwide Thanksgiving celebration on November 26,1789.  He declared it a day observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many favors received. It’s been an annual tradition in the United States since 1863.  In...

Psychology Today – Saying Goodbye to Hurt

Lingering resentment from things that have gone wrong is hard to shake. Whether it’s the result of a bad break up or a job loss, it’s best to find some resolution. It would be wonderful if we all got exactly what we wanted, and when we wanted it.  But, the hard truth is that good things often take a lot of time and usually a few set backs along the way. Once you’ve made a strong commitment and things still don’t work out, how do you pick up the pieces and carry on?  To find your center again, you'll have to muster the strength to let go of negative feelings and shift your attention to a world that is more positive. So, how do you get that betrayal or toxic...

Psychology Today – The Fire of Love

Do You Want A Better Love Life?  This article was published on February 12, 2014 in Psychology Today.  It was coauthored by  Mark Banschick, M.D. We all want love. We want to be seen, validated, treasured and wanted. And we want to give. We want the freshness of love to invigorate our lives and put the whole world into perspective. Love is more than sex…more than adoration…more than warm memories. It is alive and vibrant, like a warm fire on a cold winter’s day. Keep it stoked and it stays alive. Let it lie fallow, and don’t expect it to last. With winter upon us, we've teamed up with guest blogger Heather Edwards about kindling more love in your life. Good things need attention – it’s a lesson about happiness. A Day of Love  Consider...

The Four Horsemen vs. The Michelangelo Effect

The problems are obvious.  What are the solutions? Sometimes the key to discovering what works best in a relationship is evaluating and eliminating what we know doesn’t work.  We know there are a few scientifically proven actions that destroy relationships.  John Gottman calls these the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”.  So let’s start there. The first is Criticism.  Unless this is constructive with the intent of helping, it’s probably hurtful.  In destructive criticism, couples will attack each other’s personality or character in an effort to prove who is right and who is wrong.  It leaves both feeling angry and dissatisfied in the long and short run.  These statements tend to start with generalizations, and include absolute words like “always” and “never”. The second is Contempt.  In this communication...